On being slightly unsteady

Today I am ordering a cane from Amazon, as soon as somebody wakes up and can sign me up for that Prime thing for free, two day shipping.

I need a cane.

I am unsteady most of the time, having lost some of that important balance business from the chemo. It didn't come back when the chemo ended, like the feeling in my feet and fingers didn't come back. My hair did come back, but not my sense of balance.

 

That's shot to shit.

 

If I turn around too fast. If my feet get tangled up when I try to get out of the way from somebody. If I have to go up stairs in a hurry. If I try to walk on an uneven pavement or parking lot. If I am tired or walking in the dark.

I sway and look like I'm drunk.

 

I have a cane from when Herb needed it. It is brown and ugly and makes me feel like an old lady, well, I am an old lady, but I could be older and this cane would be more appropriate.

 

So the one I'm going to order stands up all by itself. That's cool because often I have to lean it against something and it falls and clacks like a gunshot on the floor, causing everyone in the vicinity to stare at me. Most of the time, they are kind enough to offer to pick it up, but that makes me feel like I am so far gone I can't even do that because of being crippled and/or old.

 

The Hurrycane. That's what I'm ordering. I wanted it in silver but evidently you have to order off the website for a silver one and I want that free two day shipping from Prime.

 

Since I rarely order anything online, this is a big deal! If only K would wake up!!!!

 

Husband ordered the rental of one of those 4 wheel carts for me to use in Dizzyworld. We have it for the whole time we will be there.

Today, he asked me if I needed the laptop for the trip. The others have their little tablet thingers and I will have no way of checking my email. I think I may need to use his old one, the one he gave to kid #1 because I said I didn't want it.  Well, now I think I may need it, just to get my email.

 

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Hah!

For once, somebody listened....

Question for the ages

Somehow, I found a terrible movie on MGM this morning.
Yungary
It was a South Korean attempt at kaiju, which, as you may know, is my very best favorite silly kind of movie.
Only this one wasn't just silly--it was pretty awful.

I could list some of the things that made it so bad, like the terrible monster head, the pathetic city-sets, the dialogue which was often repeated for no reason at all, the quaint use of a child to solve how to kill off the monster, the pathetic use of a child in the story at all, the scenes of folks running away from the monster to evacuate the town...they're carrying pots on their heads and boards instead of, oh, say, suitcases? But this is enough to give you an idea of how bad the flick was. Topping the list was the fact that you could distinctly see some sort of round pipe in the back of the monster's mouth from which the flame of death spouted.

However, and this is a biggie, one line changed everything. One line I have never heard in a kaiju flick, one small query that nobody has ever picked up and pondered...it is haunting me now. If I think hard enough about this one simple line perhaps I can apply it to real life. Maybe you can, too.

It asked--the generals of all branches of the military, with a Korean and American flag in the background--quite honestly:

What does it want?

Never ever has this line been uttered in a monster flick. Yet is means a great deal to me. Here's this terrible, destructive, enormous monster from somewhere else. It is crashing and smashing its way up from the ocean or underground or a big egg or something and nobody else has ever thought to ask what it wants?

What does it want? Not fame or glory as it doesn't do any good, not even to or for itself. Not just to destroy...most of the destruction happens by accident or as the monster is trying to get somewhere and the tail swings through a couple of apartment houses and/or office buildings. Perhaps seeking what it wants, but it is a monster and it doesn't care how much damage it causes. It has something it must do or somewhere it must go, to find what it wants, yet no one tries to figure that out.

All they need to do is kill the monster (oh, those jets never work, neither do the tanks) and that's that.

If they could just figure out what it wants...perhaps there could be an easier solution. A better, quicker way to get rid of it.

But since the missiles, jets, tanks, and helicopters have absolutely no effect on the huge dinosaur/lizard/creature from space, somebody has to come up with a scientific solution. In this case, it was dumping ammonia on the monster. Couldn't take ammonia, made it itch to death. The monsters from Mars were killed by Earth germs. Godzilla's monster friends are either killed by Godzilla or...a combination of Godzilla and science.

But if the army/air force/navy, special forces could just figure out the primary goal of the monster, things would go a lot quicker.

There are no Yungarys/Godzillas/King Kongs, what have you in real life.
But that is not to say there are no such things as monsters.
Look around.
Figure out what it is they want.

Use that against them.

Anybody need advice?

While sitting in the car in front of the post office, I noticed the storefront across the street was empty. It is usually at least some kind of business, from take out restaurant to bodega to Filipino something or other, but it was empty, again.

 

Then it hit me. Brilliance does not come often, but this was spectacular!

 

No food. No clothing. No liquor. No tai kwon do, however it is spelled.

 

I wondered if there had ever been a place to go if one needed advice.

No tarot card reading. No palm reading. No psychiatry. No psychology. No Lucy from Peanuts.

Just advice.

 

"Hey, I found lipstick on my husband's underwear. Should I approach him about it or let it go?"

 

"I need a vacation but have no idea where would be nice for me."

 

"My brother in law is an asshole. Should I still try to tolerate him?"

 

"My mom keeps telling me to get a job. I'm only 11. What should I do?"

 

                                             Cassandra

"My sister takes all my stuff. Should I rat her out to my mother that she's been smoking?"

 

"I need to gain wait. How do I go about doing that?" (Like anybody ever said that.)

 

"Why do they have daylight savings time?"

 

"Should I take horseback riding lessons or violin lessons?"

 

This kind of stuff.

Stuff I could answer.

And charge money for, but not a whole lot of money. Couple of bucks for an astute answer.

 

Unbiased responses, unless you're a bigot and then you'd get an earful.

Do you think I should set up shop?

 

 

 

 

September 11, 2016

This was going to be a fabulous day. Six of us who wanted to be famous writers were going into NYC to the NYRWA chapter's annual wine and cheese party in the heart of Manhattan. We'd hired a luxury van and driver to take us there, wait for us and bring us back home to New Jersey.

 

I had a new outfit, really "writerly" as I thought successful writers wore a specific over the top but not bizarre style. I did my hair and sprayed it solid. There were going to be agents and editors there and it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Surely an editor would love my pitch and beg me for my manuscript.

 

(Do not have photos of the others who were to go with us. The above portrait is of Caridad Pineiro who was working in the city and would meet us there.  Pictured with me are Kathye Quick and Patt Mihailoff.)

 

Didn't happen.

The world turned upside down.

New York would go blank for weeks.

So many people died.

 

I had forgotten about our trip into the city....something so bloody important to me on that morning...died in the ashes of the Trade Center, the Pentagon and that lonely field in Pennsylvania.

 

The shadow is still hanging over us.