Saturday, January 1, 2022

The Case of the Unsilent Schnozz

 Trouble falling asleep. Trouble staying asleep. Trouble worrying day after day, night after night.

Well, last night, I was kept awake by a whistle in my right nostril. Szzz, whistle, whistle, sznozz. In and out, whistling.

I tried blowing my nose. I tried inhaling. I tried pinching one nostril. I tried digging around to no avail.

Whistle, whistle, whistle.

Nose knows something is wrong, but nothing I can do fixes it.

If I blow too hard, I'm liable to blow out my brains. (This has happened before, don't  you know?) 

I get up. Go to bathroom. Sit for awhile, contemplating the sound coming through my head, in and out.

Dunno what happened, with me sitting there, tooting my honker. Maybe it was the sitting. Maybe it was shoving some decongestant up there. Maybe it was a supernatural being finally hearing my plea.

The whistling stopped. I went back to bed, wondering what happened and why I'd had the incessant noise for half the night. What did I do wrong?

But, I could breathe and not have to listen to that wheezeflutter booger making that godawful noise.

Happy New Year, everyone. Stay tuned. There's more idiocy to come.