Monday, May 3, 2021

Passing the word


 My bank password was screwed up because I didn't log out of my last session which was about, oh, I dunno, months ago.

Some nice people at the bank helped me.

Only took 20 minutes.

Now, I ask, why did I have to change my password yet again?

Because this computerized banking system is bullshit. At least I got to talk to human beings to straighten things out.

Now I have another problem...getting paid from PayPal, which doesn't believe I got sent money.

I am perplexed. I hate this shit. Send me a check........

Yes, I am no angel.

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

We found our 1968 Buick Grand National listed for sale on some internet sale site.

It is not for sale. It never has been, was never listed, but if it were, considering the money put into it in the past few years, I'd want $60,000 for it.

So, however it got listed on a national selling site, if it doesn't get taken off or down or whatever, if somebody is willing to give me that amount of cash for it, I'll consider.


 

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Oncologist today 

This is the first time I will be actually in her presence in over a year.

So many things have happened since then.

I thought all my physical problems were psychosomatic, but they aren't.

So, naturally, I'm scared. They will draw blood and she'll look me over and hopefully say, hey, you're okay, nothing to worry about, even though it has been twelve years almost since your last chemo treatment.

They never say "cured". They never even say "in remission" anymore.

Because they know cancer is evil and will lie in wait for years and years to come back in another form.

This time, I am worried about my skin. Bumps and little scabs and sore parts. And recurring shingles. Or....

Always that OR.

Always wondering when that other shoe will drop.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Glimmers

 I don't want to jinx anything.

I really need to express myself in some way, so here are current thoughts and observations on the world and me.

Something seems a little bit better. Yes, I got vaccinated. The rest of my immediate family is half vaccinated. Today, there is some kind of problem with my type of vaccine, but I guess if I were going to die from a blood clot caused by maybe this vaccine, I'd be dead already as I got the vaccine on 12 MAR 21.

Fortunately, I am still alive.

Moving on, the trees are shedding pollen and starting to get green around the edges. Our day lilies have reached at least a foot above the dirt and the gladiolas are shooting up, along with bits of those two other plants I cannot remember, but one gets really tall and has purply pink bunches of flowers and the other has spindly leaves and loads of yellow flowers. All is good there. The lilac bushes have leaves.

That cheers me.

What also cheers me is that some of the skin infection that has plagued me all over my zaftig bod seems to be clearing. I don't want to go into detail, but it is not fun, has not been cured through three different types of cream meds and antibiotics. Perhaps it is because I am not all that bothered by the news, well except for the useless killing of people, but that irritant has quieted and I feel a huge wave of calm washing over my psyche.

Is it my imagination?

Are things getting better?

The numbers of COVID illnesses keeps rising. I still don't go anywhere. I talk with friends via Facebook and telephone and email. They send photos. I try to remember to take photos to send.

I see my oncologist next week. I do not want to be complacent because cancer comes when it wants to.

I've been so lucky to have lasted eleven years beyond a stage 4 lymphoma diagnosis!

And I keep fighting. 

We all keep fighting to survive. We all try to do our best in these trying times and we all want to go back to our lives the way they were. 

But, well, you can't go home easily. And even when you do, it isn't the way you remembered it was.

Monday, March 22, 2021

Waiting

 Here I sit, surrounded by open desktop, phone, tablet and landline, waiting for a virtual call from my oncologist.

Obviously, something went wrong, as it is now 20 minutes past time for the appt.

Maybe I was supposed to sign up for something that I didn't sign up for. Last tine I had a virtual appt, I got an email with directions to follow to sign on, which I did, and the call went through. Now I wonder whether I was supposed to sign up for something different.


Sign up. Password. Wait. Who are you? Didn't you get the email? Didn't you get the text????


Technology only works when there is a to and a from.



I guess I am not sufficiently a to.

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Over the past few days

 My mind has been tumbling, forward and back.

The days are slowly ebbing away from me and I have accomplished absolutely nothing. But I think that is because I am just treading water.

I haven't even been reading.

I have the newest Janet Evanovich book and it sits on the end table, unopened. I may have read the dust jacket.

Oh, well. I took a photo of my front yard. Karyn took a photo of my long hair. I think I have gained five pounds since the braces came off.

Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass.

The driving force seems to be wanting to get vaccinated.

That's not much, now, is it?

Only perhaps the biggest thing since Jonas Salk.


This photo is of me and my best friend, 1970. I like to remember that day. Her father had 3 whole pigs roasted in a pit for his company picnic.

Life was simple. I accomplished some stuff back then.

Friday, January 15, 2021

Hot Pork

 Back in the pre-Christian era, one Alexander of Greece built himself quite an empire. It stretched from what is now Spain in the west into the area of present day India in the east. (It was so huge, the very idea of it in the past made Julius Caesar cry because his empire wasn't all that big.)

Anyway, Alexander, who became known as being pretty Great, died. He was not all that missed by his four beloved territorial generals, especially not the one called Seleucus, his particular buddy. Thus, with this huge empire existing minus Alexander, the four generals divided the empire up among themselves. For some reason, Seleucus got the majority of land area...from Persia to India. The other three got areas with more people and goods, less sand.

Seleucus was ambitious. Why settle for his measly quarter dominion? He wanted to replace Alexander's entire empire and was quite willing to use his army to obtain more territory. He had amassed a huge army which he supplemented with War Elephants. Elephants carrying archers on their mighty backs. Sharpened tusks and armor...they were fierce and terrified Seleucus' enemies by there mere presence. Think about a dozen or more charging tons of pachyderm busting through the enemy lines, trumpeting and slashing away with their ivories.

So, thus equipped, Seleucus gradually led his army into the territories of the other generals. And won. Gradually, he reconquered the lands to the west...with the help of his infamous War Elephants.

This went pretty well as a military tactic, but not forever. Some brilliant strategists on the other side came up with the idea of setting wild pigs on fire and sending these much smaller animals rushing into the line of elephants. Call it porkchop potential The boars were coated in pitch which was then set aflame. Fiery piggies rushed up to the War Elephants. The elephants apparently were quite afraid of the flaming pigs and broke ranks, turning back into their own soldiers,  scattering and killing them.

Fire Pigs.

Porcine projectiles.

Took down the mighty Elephant Army.

Seleucus did eventually end up taking over most of the rest of  Alexander's Empire, but met his end at the hands of one of the other generals. 

You never hear much about Seleucus the Great but the story of his barbecue tactics lives on.


Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Celebrity

Indefinite time period, but within the past 10 years. Who can remember dates when it is the event that is important?

I am sitting in the waiting room at my local hospital, which I believe has changed names twice since then, but no matter. I am sitting there with my daughter who had to drive me because I was too weak and sorta out of it to drive myself. Maybe it was the x-ray waiting room. There were so many tests back then I just can't remember.

Anyway, after I sign in and go back to my seat, I notice one of the ladies behind the counter smile and hand my papers over to another woman. Then, she pronounces quite clearly, "I see we have a celebrity in here, today."

 I look around the crowded room (pre-covid) looking for maybe Cher or Angelina or even Rosie O'Donnell. Not there. And everyone is staring intently at me.

Huh? Here I sit, wearing sweat clothes and a silly but necessary Finnish reindeer herder's cap on my head, braided wool down the side and pompom on top. Everybody is staring at me?

I do not blush. I cannot blush...totally impossible. I am yellow with chemo coursing through my veins and look like crap because the cap is hiding the fact that I am bald. 

Staring at me.

All I can think of is that somebody had read my books or maybe, my celebrity was on my chart as a joke.  I smile. Cast my glance around the room. Yes, people are still staring at me.

Okay. For one nanosecond, it was cool. 

Just the one.