Oncologist today 

This is the first time I will be actually in her presence in over a year.

So many things have happened since then.

I thought all my physical problems were psychosomatic, but they aren't.

So, naturally, I'm scared. They will draw blood and she'll look me over and hopefully say, hey, you're okay, nothing to worry about, even though it has been twelve years almost since your last chemo treatment.

They never say "cured". They never even say "in remission" anymore.

Because they know cancer is evil and will lie in wait for years and years to come back in another form.

This time, I am worried about my skin. Bumps and little scabs and sore parts. And recurring shingles. Or....

Always that OR.

Always wondering when that other shoe will drop.