Wednesday, September 27, 2017

in college

One day back in the late 60s, I happened to be hitching a ride back to my off campus room from a sorority sister and noticed an open notebook on the floor of her car. The page on display was a series of the word "shit", neatly lined up, row after row.
I guess she was upset about something.
 
When I commented on it, she smiled and told me that there were many other pages filled just like that one was.
 
I haven't ever resorted to such a display...though I do write that word at the end of many sentences because, by nature, I have become an angry woman and this is my way of venting.
 
Now...using the word many, many times...or using it once in full caps...or just using it once, standing alone...which displays the most vehemence?
 
Shit.
 
I can't really say.
 
It just feels better after I've written it.
 

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Down in the dumps

I can't call it depression as depression is far more serious a condition and it just never goes away. What I am feeling will go away, eventually.
Just not right away.
When I need it to go away.
 
Somehow, I can't seem to get my ducks in a row. I am a very ducks in a row person. I like things planned--not years in advance--but manageable. Like one, maybe two things per day that I have to absolutely MUST do. Preferably one in the morning, after 10 and one in the afternoon, around 2.
 
Being stuck with two things happening simultaneously creates problems and makes my stomach hurt.
 
I have to figure out how to divide myself, like a planeria or something. One of those microscopic life forms that can split in two.
 
However I try, I just can't manage to do that.
 
My stomach hurts. I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I'm angry. Those things I can have all at the same time.
 
I don't want to be like this.