Wednesday, September 27, 2017

in college

One day back in the late 60s, I happened to be hitching a ride back to my off campus room from a sorority sister and noticed an open notebook on the floor of her car. The page on display was a series of the word "shit", neatly lined up, row after row.
I guess she was upset about something.
When I commented on it, she smiled and told me that there were many other pages filled just like that one was.
I haven't ever resorted to such a display...though I do write that word at the end of many sentences because, by nature, I have become an angry woman and this is my way of venting.
Now...using the word many, many times...or using it once in full caps...or just using it once, standing alone...which displays the most vehemence?
I can't really say.
It just feels better after I've written it.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Down in the dumps

I can't call it depression as depression is far more serious a condition and it just never goes away. What I am feeling will go away, eventually.
Just not right away.
When I need it to go away.
Somehow, I can't seem to get my ducks in a row. I am a very ducks in a row person. I like things planned--not years in advance--but manageable. Like one, maybe two things per day that I have to absolutely MUST do. Preferably one in the morning, after 10 and one in the afternoon, around 2.
Being stuck with two things happening simultaneously creates problems and makes my stomach hurt.
I have to figure out how to divide myself, like a planeria or something. One of those microscopic life forms that can split in two.
However I try, I just can't manage to do that.
My stomach hurts. I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I'm angry. Those things I can have all at the same time.
I don't want to be like this.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Everything is always about me

Well, isn't it supposed to be?
I mean, why do I write this bloody blog if it isn't to let off steam or comment on something weird I have thought about or witnessed?

I noticed that I had not blogged since late June. It's not that nothing has happened to me since then, it's just that, well, frankly, I've been too sick to write anything other than piddly comments on FB.

I've been hospitalized with Contact Pneumonia. That means that, unlike the other times I've had pneumonia, this one I got from someone else. Possibly from Elyse who picked up the germs at a convention she went to. The kids say that everybody gets sick after cons. I believe them. Everybody here got colds. I got a worse cold.

This pneumonia is the kind that can kill.
Just my luck

We were supposed to be on our way to NC. Instead, we were first at a critical care place then to the emergency room at the local hospital, then upstairs in the ICMU. I think the M stands for the fact that I could walk and didn't need the bedpan, but I am not sure.

Shots in my belly. Antibiotic drip for three days. IV tube in hand as they couldn't find another place it would go. Horrible tasteless-without-salt food that I didn't eat much of. In fact, I dropped 12 pounds.

This wasn't fun. I couldn't walk far, couldn't breathe well, had to do all these things through the night when somebody came in to get blood or give me a shot of Prednisone (sp) or anything else they needed from my body.

I am sort of over this. Still exhausted, still have to stop from walking too fast, still feeling punk.

Then, last night, I got sick again...this time, some virus or something that had me in the toilet for four hours. Not fun. Really not fun.

I have to get better, fast. Herb is having shoulder surgery on 9 11 and he will be out of commission for six weeks at the very least. I gotta be there to help him and maintain the household.

Oh, boy.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Flying down to Rio (Carioca) 1933 (3a)

Flying Down to Rio

1933 was a great year for imaginary relative, Uncle Boris. First, he wrapped up his ape-dance on King Kong, then he drew a pencil mustache on his kisser and danced the carioca with Fred and Ginger in the above named flick.
I didn't know this until I happened to catch this movie on TCM an hour ago and noticed not only Uncle Boris, but his soon to be wife Aunt Ernestine as his dancing partner.
In the first part of the movie, she was a platinum blonde along with  Ginger and the rest of the gypsies. Then, when the movie moved to Rio de Janiero, she either wore a dark wig or dyed her hair. You can see her in the V formation, right in the middle. She's hamming it up with flashing blue eyes and a seductive tilt of her head while all the other dancers are concentrating on remembering the intricate steps.
Ah. It must have been rewarding to appear on screen with such fabulous stars as Gene Raymond (married to Jeanette McDonald), Fred and Ginger and the fabulous Eric Blore who made a handy living by playing various second or third fiddles or butlers or hoteliers. Oh, yeah. The Star? One Delores Del Rio. Supposed to be a Brazilian beauty.
I found it odd that everyone spoke English.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

The Twerker

My kid invented twerking.
I think.
I'm not exactly sure what twerking is, but I've seen people doing it as a joke on TV. You stick your butt out and wiggle it to music, right? Kinda foul, kinda stupid in an adult.
Cute in a little kid.

My kid--back a long time ago when she was about 4--used to stick out her butt and wiggle it, all the while singing loud and clear "Bacheechala"! She made up the word, made up the move, sang in her beautifully clear, loud voice, and made everybody laugh at her sheer joy.

Fast forward about 25 years. Twerking becomes a vulgar thing. People are doing it, watching dwarf women in Atlanta do it on TV, watching Miley Cyrus thrust out her butt and nearly wiggle it off. Doing it in clubs, too, I understand. (Not being a club person, I can't say for sure.)

Then I learn there is a game icon from one of the Mario games who twerks at his enemies...called Warrio or something like that.

My kid, who originated the move, thinks this is stupid of the character, but hilarious. She's even copied the character in her fan art.

Unfortunately, the character passes gas at his enemies while he twerks at them. I'm afraid, and glad, that this was not in the original version.

Thanks, K.

Monday, April 10, 2017


Said good-bye to two old friends today.
LiveJournal and Myspace (yes, Tom, bye bye) have been deleted.

Back when I first found out about these social media groups, I was contributing daily and reading and making friends. Myspace was first and I think I was able to advertise my two paperback novels quite well because I accumulated over 400 followers. I enjoyed reading about their lives, seeing photos of their pets and kids.
Only two of them transferred over to Facebook. Leaundra, who at the time was stationed in Germany with her Army husband. It took me a couple of months to locate her. Stephe, you were there through my illnesses. Hugs to you both.

Okay, after that, I got a warning from Karyn daughter that Livejournal was doing something weird, that it wanted us to agree to something new from the new owners from the Russian Federation that seemed a little too fishy for me. I've nothing against the Russian people, but their laws and their screwy governing body have no right to use my words in any way. I had two full novellas on LJ that I copied to paper and I intend to put up on Amazon in my own name. The Russkis have no right to them whatsoever.

Only problem is, when I printed out the many pages, the font is about ant-sized and I will have to retype everything. Since I'll be editing at the same time, it will only be tedious.

These stories I wrote when I was undergoing chemotherapy.
The kids say they're horrible!

I think they're highly imaginative, considering I had some pretty vivid dreams back then. And horrible topics, but I was dying, so one can expect a little ugliness.

There are also pages and pages detailing my problem and the medicines I had to take and the desperation I felt. This I did not copy and it is all gone now, unless the Russkis want to publish the pages as examples of how American doctors torture their cancer patients.

No. I cannot forget what happened to me. I cannot help but remember the pain and the tears and prayers. I will always remember the friends who came to cheer me, bring me flowers and pizza and chocolate that I couldn't taste at the time. I will be eternally grateful to Pauline and Sally, Sandy who called nearly every day, Charity and Lois who called or visited. Patt who brought me lunch I couldn't really eat but Herb enjoyed. Out of the innate goodness of their hearts.
There were others: Chris who brought me stuff I could drink. Jennifer who even visited me in the hospital and assisted the nurse who set up my first chemo drip! The doctors and nurses who cared so much to help out someone they didn't know, yet they were gentle and dear. So many others! Such kindness toward ME! What did I do to deserve it?

And my husband who fed me and held me and made love to me even when I was bald and couldn't feel anything but pain in my body. My daughters who helped me even though they were in college and didn't want to go back.

I'm crying now. Remembering this good stuff almost blots out the bad stuff. Almost, but not quite.

Good bye, LiveJournal. Farewell Myspace. May you both rest in peace.