Friday, November 6, 2020

Long time gone

Gee. Time doesn't pass quickly when one is having fun, nor does it pass quickly when one is miserable.

So, having been miserable for weeks, I'm anxiously awaiting the end of my trauma, for the world to know that it can be set right again, and for my family and friends to speak to one another again.

I fear it is going to be difficult. Too many things have been said or avoided to be easily forgotten and mended.

And when the only thing making me the least bit happy is watching Aquaman several times, well, what does that tell you? The world has been too much with me, late and soon, Mr. Wordsworth.

But, no matter what happens in the next few days or weeks, I remain hopeful. And we should all feel that way. There are too many bad days, too many pains and illnesses, too many broken people for us to completely give up on doing what is right and healing our hearts and minds.

If this is not my normal post, I have to tell you that I have my late autumn pain in my side. I cannot regulate my body temperature, going from hot to cold to hot to sweating. Every year for the past 11 years, I have felt this. Every year I hiccup when I turn. I lose my balance. I get that dark line on my right thumb, and I think, well, it is back and this time, I won't make it through.

But I will never give up. I have dealt with phantom pains and feelings for a decade.

 This time is no different and this time, I will be okay.

Two of the people who attended this remission party have passed away. I miss them terribly. They were not as fortunate as I have been. Take care of them, God.

Monday, October 5, 2020

Tomorrow I get the braces off

It has been since February 8, 2019 since I've been wired. The reason I had my teeth straightened, again, was because my teeth had gone back to the original condition, as in when they first came through the gums when I was about 8.

Crooked and horrible.

I wore braces from the end of 5th grade until I finally

 had them taken off between freshman and sophomore year in college.

A long time. When they came off, I remember smiling all day because there was nothing for my lips to catch on to. I felt human and grown up and pretty. So I kept smiling.

I took photos of my teeth before the braces went on this time, and intend to take them tomorrow, but no one will see the befores. It is quite ugly and an embarrassment.


Saturday, October 3, 2020

We were raised on violence

Saturday morning again. 

Ancient 50s-60s cowboy shows on tv.

It was okay to kill the bad guys. It was perfectly acceptable for Lucas McCain to shoot 3 guys before the midway interruption for advertisements.

Paladin shot anybody who disagreed with him, but he usually got paid for it, so that was okay.

Nobody ever had regrets.

I'm older than most of the gun toting good old boys who show up at protests with their weapons de jour

Perhaps they've been watching these old cowboy shows on television, or maybe they've been watching movies about Iraq or WWII or Korea. Maybe they've not been watching MASH but instead old John Wayne flicks. Like the one where he kills off Japs or Nazis or Commies somewhere.

Not the ones where John Wayne dies, there were only a few of them. And not the ones where the lesser Army guys or Marines or Sailors get blasted. 

Face to face killing.

Who can tell.

I saw these shows and movies when I was a kid. The bad guys had to die.

The honest to goodness (or badness) bad guys had to be eliminated.

Is this the current mentality?

Or is it unused testosterone? Dormant urge to kill manifested by protests and candidates for office.

I don't know. This may be a question for the wisest among us, for i can't answer it.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

When you can't sleep

 Have you ever wondered if the people who caused you to rehash their slights when you can't sleep ever think about what they did?

Do their consciences bring up those nasty words, those deliberate snubs, or worse yet, their lies to other people about you--do they ever rethink their motives and--regret them?

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Everything old is new again

Some deep thoughts.

For me, male movie stars had to be slick and smooth and handsome. 

Cary Grant. John Boles, my other's favorite. Dick Powell. Gene Reynolds. Gene Kelly. Johnny Weismuller. Warren Williams who played in so many 30s movies. I remembered the name later.

What did I like about them?

They were handsome. They had a way of moving that was intriguing. Most could sing and dance or just have that WAY about them that was sexy and not dirty and could make me fall in love with them. 

Even Shirley Temple wasn't immune to Cary Grant. She sang "You Made Me Love You" to his photo. I'll never forget it.

And Gene Kelly. The dancer and athlete had some pretty elegant, yet masterful moves. Fred had nothing on him, though he was slick with Ginger Rodgers.

Long period of mediocre male stars. Cowboys. Eh. Roy and Gene were totally sexless to me. They meant adventure and shooting the bad guys. Oh, take the Lone Ranger! Totally sexless but intriguing and all male behind that mask. But he didn't let on.

They're all gone now. There are plenty of others I could have named, but these were the ones who came to mind first. 

But, I regret, there are no movie stars that thrill me the way these guys did. Oh, Guy Madison was one...but he came along later. These guys were primarily pre-war.

So, I got to thinking that the women of today don't have such a good choice of men to fantasize over. There are three guys with the name Chris. There are the superhero guys with their padded muscle suits. There are the sensitive, ultra sexy crazed guys. There are romance novel cover models.

But no one like Cary...he was even hot in To Catch a Thief. He'd been starring on the silver screen for 30 years by then. Gene Kelly only performed in retrospectives. The cowboy men were relegated to reruns. If they made appearances in public, they looked old and long past the get along little dogie rustlers bad guys.

There just aren't any good "men" hanging around. In my opinion.

Look at George  Clooney. He's small and a good actor, but he's not Cary Grant. The super heroes, well, there's Chris Hemsworth, who is definitely worthy of plenty of looks, muscles and Thor and all, but, well, I don't dream about him, though there are some I know who do.

Even Hugh Jackman is getting less beautiful to me.

Perhaps it is the roles these guys play that make them unattractive. Druggies. Drunks. Washed out something or others who give up trying to be good guys and are content with stopping even trying to be desirable. 

Now, I don't want to say negative things about the current actors. They make tons more money than the guys I thought were so handsome. They play super heroes well and are endearing, then they play washed up drunks or prisoners or mediocre individuals that I just can't care for.

It's me.

I want heroic, warm-hearted, lovers who only let a kiss last 8 seconds. I want the looks and the hot bodies that never get shown, except if they are Tarzan. 

Zac Efron shows his bod every chance he gets. He's a baby! I'd feel icky mentally getting into him. Like he was my son or something.

That's kind of perverted, for an old lady to even consider falling in love with a youngster, someone young enough to have sprung from my very loins. Sick, right?

So, while I bemoan the fact that today's movie stars don't excite me or thrill me or make me want to go home with them, I feel more sympathy for the women who are stuck with them.

Yes. There are undoubtedly those who deck the screens who are just as worthy of adulation to today's crop of ladies as there were for me and mine.

They just don't do it for me at all.

But then, I am old as dirt. And all the good guys are long dead.